What Happens When You Get Everything You Thought You Wanted?

I had the opportunity to speak at a women's leadership event about a challenge I hear from leaders more often than you might expect. It often sounds something like this:

I have a great job. I have supportive colleagues. I'm successful by every measure that should matter. So why do I still feel like something is missing?

This is my personal story too: There was a point in my career where everything looked right on paper. I had designed a role I loved. I worked with an incredible leader. I genuinely had very little to complain about. And yet I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. I realized how disconnected I had become from my own voice.

For so long, my decisions had been shaped by what I thought I "should" want. The expectations of family. Society's definition of success. The messages I absorbed about achievement, productivity, and ambition. Somewhere along the way, I had become very good at listening to everyone except myself.

That realization led me to work with a coach, and over the next few years, my life began to change in ways I never expected. She didn't tell me what decisions to make. She helped me remember how to trust myself. Instead of constantly searching outside myself for the right answer, I learned how to slow down, listen inward, and reconnect with the quiet wisdom that had been there all along. No one had ever taught me that.

Today, that experience shapes the way I coach leaders. Many of the people I work with aren't struggling because they lack intelligence, ambition, or capability. They're struggling because they've spent years becoming experts at meeting expectations while slowly losing touch with themselves.

They're carrying an endless stream of "shoulds."

• I should take this opportunity.

• I should be grateful.

• I should be able to handle this.

• I should know the answer.

Over time, those shoulds become so loud that it's difficult to hear what we actually want, need, or value.

The work isn't about becoming someone different. It's about learning to trust the person you already are.

When leaders develop greater self-awareness and self-compassion, they make decisions with more clarity. They lead with more confidence. They experience less burnout because they're no longer trying to prove themselves through constant achievement.

That's the work I feel fortunate to do every day.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to watch the talk below. I hope it offers a moment to pause, reflect, and perhaps ask yourself one simple question:

Whose voice has been guiding my decisions lately—and what might change if I listened more closely to my own?