The ABCD’s of Self-Talk

The ABCD’s of Managing Negative Self-Talk

A – Awareness and Acceptance

Notice the thought. Try saying to yourself:
“Oh, I’m feeling really self-conscious right now.”
Then follow it with:
“And that’s okay. It’s normal to feel this way sometimes.”

Let the thought land without judgment. You’re just naming what’s here.

B – Body and Breath

Get out of your head and into your body. Anchor yourself in the present.
Try one of these:

Box breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat.
Feel your feet on the floor. Wiggle your toes and notice the sensation.

Just a few conscious breaths can interrupt spiraling thoughts.

C – Comfort Yourself

Offer yourself the same kindness you’d extend to a close friend.
Try saying:
“You’re doing your best.”
“You can do hard things.”
Pair it with a gentle touch—a hand to your heart, or a soft breath in and out.

Since our brains skew toward the negative, it takes intention to lean into the positive. This is how we begin to rewire.

D – Discerning Fact vs. Story

Facts are what a video camera or microphone could objectively capture.
Stories are the meaning we assign to those facts—often shaped by past experiences, fears, or assumptions.

Try writing them down in two columns:

This simple distinction can bring immediate clarity.

It’s not about denying your emotions—it’s about noticing when you’re filling in the blanks and giving yourself the opportunity to question the narrative.

Try asking yourself:

What else could be true here?
If I were being kind to myself, what would I say instead?

This gentle pause helps you respond with more compassion, groundedness, and choice.

Tools and Supports for the Journey

🌀 Practice Mindfulness & Meditation

Start small. Consistency is more important than perfection.

Focus on your breath in the lower belly. Breathe slowly for 5 rounds.
Try a grounding exercise like the 5-4-3-2-1 senses technique.
Not sure where to begin? Check out beginner-friendly apps like Calm or Headspace.

🖊 Practice Self-Reflection

Journal about what’s coming up—without needing to fix it.
Leave yourself voice memos and listen back.
Talk out loud to yourself as a way of processing (yes, really—it helps!).

🤝 Find Safe Spaces for Growth

Self-awareness grows best in trusted relationships.

Speak with a mentor or trusted advisor.
Work with a therapist or explore the RAIN method from Tara Brach.
Hire a coach who can help you explore your patterns with compassion and curiosity.

Let’s keep the conversation going.
What strategies have helped you manage your inner dialogue?
Feel free to share—I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.